#30 The Line in the Sand

The last few weeks have been very upsetting for me. I turned 40 for one. I quit taking the kidney meds, Cyclo and Pred, which has been quite painful, and then yesterday, I de-friended an esteemed friend.

I keep a wide variety of company. People from all walks of life. Christian, Agnostic, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Druid, Wiccan and Atheist just to name a few. I also have gay, straight, bi, white and black to add to that company. No one can call me prejudiced or hateful. I like having that variety in my life or at least, I thought I did. You see, I always thought we had an unspoken understanding that if I didn't try to shove Jesus Christ down their throat that the same would work in reverse.

For the first time in my life, I felt like a line was drawn in the sand. Not by me, but by a friend. In the beginning, I didn't think anything about it. I wondered why she chose my private Facebook page to voice her dissent, and so, for several weeks, I allowed her to debate those beliefs. I noticed that when she would post something, none of my other family or friends would comment. Like me, I think they were waiting. Patiently. And I did nothing because I respected and admired my friend.

But finally, that line in the sand became a trench. It began to bother me. And here's why.

When I was a child, I had a less than desirable home life. I greatly feared my mother. I hated her boyfriends. Her friends. My siblings were older, most moved out. I was alone a lot. I looked for every opportunity to escape. I loved school because it was a safe hiding place. But it lacked long term, year round protection. It wasn't until one night that a minister came to the house. He handed me a pamphlet and told me that everyone was welcome. If I wanted, I could even ride the church van. It took several weeks, but I worked up the courage to go. On my first night, I got pizza and lemonade. I thought, this is great. Everyone was nice and welcoming. I got to hear some great stories, although a bit farfetched, and they fed me. This can't be bad, right? So I went again. And again. It was the same. More food and lots of friendly people.

Soon though, we moved as we always did. We never stayed in one location for long. I was constantly moving from house to house, school to school, friend to friend. Never making any real bond or finding a true home. I immediately started looking for another church to go to. And I found one. Each time we moved, I found a small neighborhood church, with a bus or van, free food and those weird but farfetched stories.

As I grew older, I began to see the differences in the churches. Pentecostal. Baptist. Catholic. Seventh Day Adventist. Methodist. Unitarian. Jehovah's Witnesses. No matter what my homelife was like, I felt safe. Welcome. Wanted. Needed. The church taught me Love. Forgiveness. Hope. It taught me how to be a lady. Modest. Polite. Humble. The church taught me right from wrong. Truth from lie.

I grew older. Situations occured in my life that should have:  Broke me. Killed me. Destroyed my faith. Made me give up. Made me hate. But I always ran to my safe haven. The Church. And they always accepted me.

When I was 10 years old, I devoted my life to Christ. I was baptized. It was one of the happiest days of my existence even though no one in my family was present or even knew about it.  My faith was tested a month or so later when my grandmother died. Then a while later when my stepfather began molesting me. Each and every trial that happened in my life, I ran to God. Even when my mother abandoned me, I ran to God. I was always accepted. Loved. Forgiven. God has never let me down. Jesus Christ has not only saved my soul, but my life many many times. Through the countless times I've wanted to end my life, run away, drown out the pain......

So when my friend began her public anti-Church crusade on my private Facebook account, I could only watch for so long. You see, the Church I know, the Church that has been my refuge, has never bombed and killed thousands of people in the name of God. Never crashed a plane. Never beheaded soldiers on world wide television. Never held hostage a group of innocent men, women and children. And never burned or desecrated another human being in the name of their belief system. They don't believe in Witchcraft or the Big Bang Theory or a cosmic Chemistry experiment gone awry.

I thought I knew what my limits were....I thought I was more understanding and worldly, but I'm not. I learned something about myself. I learned that there are two things in this world I will NOT tolerate or compromise on....  #2 - Don't mess with my husband, and  #1 - Don't mess with my God.

I also learned to what lengths I will go to to keep those two things sacred - I pressed the delete button on a friend and erased her from my life.