#34 Follow up to the Follow up

On my last update, I let you know that I have relapsed, spilling more than 3,500. Well in that appointment, I mentioned the fact that I have been feeling unusually sick for, oh, I don't know, the last 6-9 months. Dr. Straight-Laced told me to have Dr. Quack, my Primary, refer me to the appropriate person for testing, so one week after my appointment with him, I saw Dr. Quack. It was a Monday.

I would like to note here that Dr. Quack has now been re-dubbed, Dr. Qualified.  In a year, he is the ONLY doctor who has slowed down long enough to actually listen to ALL of my symptoms and not blame it on the FSGS, the meds, or the Second Coming of Christ.  He said, "Your symptoms sound classic textbook gallbladder. Let's do an ultrasound first. Then, if we have to, we'll do a CT of the abdomen."

The very next day, Tuesday, I had the ultrasound. The tech told me I would get the results by the end of the week. Instead, that afternoon at around 2 p.m., my phone dings that I have a new voicemail. I listen to the voicemail and low and behold, "Mrs. Cawley, you have gallstones. Dr. Qualified is going to refer you to a Surgeon, unless you have one that you use regularly." 

Ummm...... no. I don't know about regular folks, but I don't keep a Surgeon on retainer. Perhaps, I need to.

One week later, on the next Tuesday, I met Dr. OMG - You're only twenty.  Dr. Twenty Something examined me, listened to my symptoms, took a look at my hemorrhoids. YES I LET HIM SEE MY BUTT TESTICLES!!!!!!!!!  And he says, "When ya wanna do it?"  And just so you know, that's the removal of the gallbladder, nothing more. 

Here is where I share a little bit of what I've endured the last 6-9 months. If you are a regular reader of my blog, then you know a little bit of what I'm talking about. If not, let me clue you in.

It first started a little over a year ago, in September, when Dr. Asshole switched me to the Cyclosporin. Apparently, my body was saying, "Awww, HELL NO," because I had explosive diarrhea. I'm talking pure acid, will singe your butt hairs and melt the porcelain toilet seat, diarrhea which caused the hemorrhoids. This went on for a couple of months. Oh yeah, months people. Then in January, things progressed. If I ate a particularly heavy meal, I ate it two or three times because it would sit in my belly and argue with me for hours until it finally came back up. Undigested too.  The pain was agonizing. At first, I thought I was having a heart attack. It would keep me up at all night, pacing back and forth, with my arms over my head. Sometimes, I spent hours in the jetted tub, soaking. This got progressively worse as time went on. It would happen almost every single time I ate, every day. I was exhausted. I was terrified to eat. Food took on a whole different meaning. I began to look at food in terms of the pain it was going to cause me. I took no pleasure in eating. It was pure survival and a painful one at that.

Fast forward back to my appointment with Dr. Twenty Something when he asked me when I wanted to do the surgery...."When can you do it?"  Needless to say, I was slated for surgery the very next day. I was ready. More than ready.

The Needle Nazi hit me on the first go round which in itself is AMAZING. I'm both swollen and dehydrated due to the FSGS. So to find the vein in the fluid retention and the fact that my veins are smaller because of the dehydration - Phenomenal. Then Eviepoo went night night. Quickly. I wake from surgery to Terry staring at me. I went into surgery at around 2 p.m, and opened my peepers around 6 p.m. Obviously, the surgery took longer than anticipated. Terry said Dr. Twenty Something informed him that my gallbladder was one of the worst cases he'd ever seen. How is that possible? I'm probably his second patient, fresh out of med school and diapers. At any rate, he said he had to "work" for his paycheck and that I made him sweat. My gallbladder was so full, that not one more stone would have fit inside. Yet, strangely, my surgery wasn't an emergency. Go figure.

Sometime between 630 & 7 p.m., they sent me home. We dropped off the pain med script at Walgreens. I figured if I needed it, we could pick it up the next day. At home, I went directly to bed, passing out immediately. I woke sometime around 9 p.m. in the absolute worst pain of my life. I hurt so bad and in so many different places, I couldn't concentrate or focus or think or breathe. All I could do was cry.

Terry ran out the door at lightspeed and probably broke every traffic law on his way to Walgreens. And, I called my good friend Jennifer. Who else could I call in that shape? What shape you ask?  A complete blubbering mess comes to mind. Sobbing incoherently is a good probability. Talking in tongues perhaps.  I can only imagine what she must have heard when she answered the phone....THANK YOU GOD SHE ANSWERED HER PHONE. 

Terry practically came running into the bedroom with the pain meds. I took one pill. Oxy. And about 30 minutes later, I was throwing up into my trusty 2 gallon blue bucket. Do you have any idea how painful that is???????  Do you?????? OMG....Pure bile, acid. Before you ask, since I am a veteran O.R. patient, I hadn't had anything to eat or drink past midnight. I didn't even take my regular medications that day. And my surgery wasn't scheduled until the afternoon, so I should not have reacted to the anesthesia. It had to be the Oxy. Well, I passed out at some point. I woke again in the wee early hours in agony again and again took an Oxy. Within 30 minutes, I was sick again. It was the last time I took any pain medication. I have gone through this ordeal sans pain medication and let me say, it's no pic-a-nic basket full of goodies.

I still can't eat. Everytime I do, a few bites in, I get nauseous. The back pain is gone though. That, 'I'm having a heart attack' feeling is gone. But, a few bites of food fills me all day.  Since April 1st, I've gone from 198lbs to 153lbs. Last Tuesday, I weighed 160lbs in the doctor's office. Today, I was 153lbs. In less than one week, I have lost 7 pounds. That is NOTHING to be proud of. This last year has been the most miserable of my life.
 

Lastly, Dr. Twenty Something did tell me that to ease the Hemorrhoids I need to soak them in warm water for 20 minutes, 3 times a day, eliminate toilet paper when I wipe after I poo, and use flushable baby wipes. Eventually, he'll remove them, but first they have to drop and turn a purple color.....REALLY?  Yeah, that's attractive. I'll send out a Christmas Card of my purple Butt Testicles, Bob and John. Uh, yeah - no!  Eeck!

I'd like to send out a special kudos to:

My Loving Husband Terry for his indentured servitude during my medical crisis. And yes, I'd do the same for you, Butthead.

My good friend Jenn for being there during my pain induced meltdown. Love ya, girl.

and, last but not least.

Dr. Qualified. You have officially been upgraded. You are no longer a pill pushing Quack, but a certified mortal savior for finding the gallstones.